Encounters of the 4th kind

So, to recap slightly. After going sexual with a good guy friend who said he didnt want a girlfriend and then ended up wanted the cake wanted to eat the cake but didnt want to call it cake, I ended the sexual aspect of it. I wasn't interested in his roomate until a few months down the orad when the two of spent more time alone together. Then it became me being interested in the POTENTIAL of a person. Something i do quite often and on this particular subject was not entirely aware of it. The roomate (scott) and i both decided to that we were "seeing" each other although according to him he would be unhappy if i was "seeing" anyone else. So we were monogamous yet calling it something else, something less definate. Because also in his words "relationships are something that end."
The anxiety I hadn't had since high school had finally come back with a vengance. I realized much later that my anxiety was due to the fact that I knew I didnt want to be with him. And yet when I left to take care of my manic depressive sister for a month ( TOTALLY fucking my life in the process) I left him with a "let's try" b/c I was still seeing our potential, if we were older, if he wasnt so scarred emotionally, if, if, if.

After getting to Oahu I realized, hey, I dont miss him. hey I dont really want to be with him. And after some yoga and a lot of breathing excersises my axiety went away alltogether. And a few weeks later I layed eyes on the only man who made me want a ring on my finger. More so I wanted a ring on HIS finger. VEry long, not so boring story later We got together he proposed I said no. A few weeks after that I was back home and we were looking for houses together via the internets, talking everyday three of more times minimum and he was planning on going awol to see me. Oh yea hes a navy boy. And then the day before easter he called me at work and told me, the same man who said all the times he ever said I love you to any girl before me was a lie he didnt realize he was telling, said he didnt think we were going to work out. His ex girlfriend had called him and said she was pregnant. This was her third attempt at getting him back. but this time he believed her. And guess what boys and girls? She lied.

Haha motherfucker.

So after a while ( is been a few months) i started feeling not so lost, started going to school again and ca see my whole life ahead of me. Its not wonderful everyday I'm still very very unsure, doubtful, and lonely. But I'm also incredibly happy, on one of the best paths I've ever been on and learned some very valuable lessons. I'm about to learn another one.....